PREFACE: Our mother wrote on her Christmas list "Decorative balls to put in the basket in the living room" so in an email to her and Justin I wrote "Did NO ONE notice the “DECORATIVE BALLS” request?!? Haha Mom I hope you’re bracing yourself for the EPIC gag gifts this is going to elicit"
Justin: That is so funny. Right after she sent it I was typing out an email that said "I can't wait for Tawnia to comment on decorative balls" with some joke involving this picture:
...but the joke wasnt that funny so I didnt hit send. In mom's defense I'm not sure what you are suppose to call those things.
Me: HAHAHAHAHA oh man. ALWAYS go with your instinct. That picture is amazing.
PREFACE: Rachel's Christmas list ends with "a job :)" and mine includes a picture of what I called "a simple, black carry-on luggage."
Me: I hope you’re happy. I waited ALL YEAR to end my list by requesting a job (personally I would have gone with the more playful “winkey-face” follow-up but yours was close enough that I have to concede). If you want to know how it feels to have the comedy-list-writing rug YANKED out from under you; I’d liken it to being the exact OPPOSITE of my all-powerful “Olson Twins moment.”**(see BACKSTORY below) Thanks for that.
Rachel: HAHAHAHA fabulous. That reference to the Olsen twins moment really hits home, though. I NEVER wanted to be that girl. However, let me get to the real reason for my email... You have described the piece of luggage most commonly stolen at airports (the honda civic of suitcases, if you will), and I must insist that you get something you'll recognize right out of the luggage gates
Sincerely, A concerned Christmas shopper
Me: HAHAHA AMAZING response. Loving the "honda civic" analogy and of course the flintstone luggage you attached. I thought about it being too boring but then I figured I'd much rather attach something to it that sets it apart (add that to my list--hint, hint) then risk putting just "carry-on" on my list and getting a fischer-price looking thing that I'll be guilt-forced into rolling around with for a couple years.
BACKSTORY: Rachel and I played an electronic board game where you have to be the first to yell out words that start with each letter of the alphabet. On this day (a day that clearrrly lives in infamy) I only had the letter 'O' left and the category was "child actors." I starred blankly at the game board for a few seconds and as the timer counted down, we laughed and discussed how unfortunate it was I didn't get a better category; THEN out of no where I yelled "OLSON TWINS!" mid-sentence right before the buzzer sounded. To this day I feel bad for anyone who hasn't experienced the level of joy that followed.
Caty: omg. was just reminiscing about toaster oven cooookieesss
Me: HAHA yesssss...I trust ur also reminiscing about our delirious selves scraping at them like desperate animals
Caty: HAHAHA omfuckingod. like deciding who go the bigger cookie or the goddamned scraps
BACKSTORY: Caty and I spent a summer during college where we both worked two shit jobs (one of which involved a Walmart vest) and took classes in-between them. I think we'd both agree neither of us would have survived some of those days without those toaster oven cookies...and mimosas.
** Disclaimer: The scene pictured above has NOTHING to do with the convo below but when I typed "on airplane" in Google, this is what came up and I couldn't resist (WHAT is going on here??). I'd also like you all to know that the picture was accompanied by "dog whimpering" sounds for Lord knows what reason. Love it.
Me: Gawwwwwd I am the WORST w directions Megan! Lol I just ended up on the green train to shitsville.
Me: Ps midway DOESN'T have a starbucks anywhere...this shit should be illegal...ohare is looking better and better.
Me: Umm the dude next to me just showed his wife a picture of a woman breast feeding a child naked while doing a head stand...she laughed and said "cute"...I need to move.
Me: The guy across the aisle is SUPER annoying. He's like "I'm a josher. I josh. Its my flight ritual to josh everyone around me before we take off."
Me: He starts making jokes based off what people r wearing etc & he looks rt at me in the eyes & I gave him a look like "don't fucking try it" and he skipped me! Haha
Me: Was watching ellen today and kristen chenowith (sp?) was telling a horror blind date story where the guy wanted her to do an impromptu skit w him mid dinner where he asks for her panties & she acts offended but then gives them to him so he can hold them up & show people that they say his name on them
Me: So her & ellen are laughing about how crazy & ridiculous it is and then without missing a beat she goes "so I did it..."
Me: HAHAHA TOTAL (friend's name removed for privacy) moment & ellen's reaction was EXACTLY like ours!! Loved it.
BACK STORY: Carissa, Caty and I had a friend in college who told a story about playing Truth or Dare in middle school where a guy dared her to "give me something that rhymes with bed." When she couldn't break the code he bluntly goes, "head...I want you to give me head." EVERYONE listening to the story was immediately horrified (and slightly impressed with the magnitude of ballsy-ness that request requires) and we all started laughing (this friend included) and when the laughter settled down, this friend follows with, "so after I did..." HAHA to this DAY it still gets me every time.
Me: NOOOOOO HANEY U IDIOT!! Hahaha so embarrassing and what's worse in now all people r going to talk about is how great that little bitch cutler is...not pleased
Justin: Haha I like cutler! Everyone hates on him but he is pretty good!
Me: Omg not u too!! He looks like a drunk bum!!
Justin: I love him for that reason! He just doesn't give a shit.
Me: Matt Hasselbeck NEVER would have limped off the field like he did in the NFC champ game...never.
Justin: He was actually hurt though! He just doesn't whimper when he gets hurt so people freak out.
Me: Pth I've met tougher grandmas.
Justin: He was actually hurt though! Haha YOU'RE like the rest of the haters.
Me: His middle name is whimper...jay whimper cutler...HAHA have u watched his press stuff?? He was like that coach who teared up on the sidelines.
Justin: Lol. Did you see tebow is about to win again?
Me: U know what he used to rehab his injury?? A bag of frozen peas.
Justin: Hahahahahahaha
Me: Good. I like tebow. There's somebody who doesn't whimper ;)
