"5am" text convo with David

Me: U know what shit keeps me up at 5am?? Lol I'm sitting here thinking how embarrassing it was that I couldn't do an f-ing push-up that night at the bar when we were yelling "fist pump, push-up, chapstick!"  HAHA I need to get my ass to the gym annnnnd I need sleep

David: LOLOL I couldn't really either

"Glee" text convo with David

David: You missed glee.  They recreated michael jacksons I'm bad in a parking garage and all I could think is "how fucked up would I think these kids are if I'm just needing to park my car"

Me: Omg I would join them!

David: But you know you'd kinda be afraid at first

Me: Haha true.

David: Like omg are they gonna attack me?!? Then slowly start to realize: are they reenacting bad?

Me: LMAO!! Wait a second...is that the king of pop??

"Dog harness" text convo with Jamy

Jamy: Omg my friend just posted this photo of her dog in his new carseat/harness...

Jamy: He's like hanging there...strapped to the headrest...wtf!?!

Me: LMAO!!! Omg that's the greatest pic ever...no wayyyyy that's safe or comfortable for him!!

Jamy: He needs a helmet and goggles at that height!

Me: HAHAHA I love it so much.

Jamy: If you zoom in on it...it's like a tiger print body suit with four holes for the legs

Me: BAHAHA I didn't think it could get any more ridiculous!!

Jamy: And the way the straps are wrapped around the headrest looks a little MacGyver-ish...not what it was made for.

Me: LMAO! Macgyverish!

Jamy: Just sayin'

"Battle L.A." text convo with David

David: Hey have you seen battle: LA?

Me: No. I don't think I ever did.  No real interest in the world ending kinda movies.

David: Saw it last night. All I have to say is that it was a mini hereafter *see backstory below The guy spends 20 minutes dissecting the alien to find a "weak spot" to kill it.  He keeps ripping it open and stabbing diff parts but none kill it.  He yells in frustration something like: "How can we kill this thing!!" During the scene another soldier is fending off one that breached the building.  So he blows the thing up with a grenade launcher.  I immediately think well there seems to be a darn good solution right there that doesn't include walking up to them, ripping them apart and stabbing them.  Which I don't think they'll just let you do btw.

Me: LMAO!!! Omg that play by play just made my day. Sounds ridiculous!!

David: LOLOLOL I'm glad I could oblige.

BACKSTORY: David and I watched the movie "Hereafter" together.  And by "watched" I mean viciously ripped the storyline apart from start to finish.

"BJ's" text convo with Andrew

I sent this picture to Andrew back in July

And he found this one last night

Me: Hahaha yesssss. Nice find!

Andrew: I wonder if they deliver.

BACKSTORY: Last St. Patty's day, Andrew jokingly ordered a "BJ to-go" at The Golden Nugget pancake house (aka "The Nugg") after five-too many cocktails.  It didn't go over so well with our waitress but the four of us who witnessed it will forever LOVE that story.

"Suit sale" text convo with Megan

This would be me in the scenario

Megan: JOS. A. BANK is having a huge sale! All suits are 70% off!!! I know where you'll be tonight!

Me: Shut. Your. MOUTH. 70%?!? Lmao

Megan: Yes! Not as good as buy one get one but holy shit!!!!!

BACKSTORY: Megan and I were watching TV one day when a commercial advertising a suit sale came on and I asked her what she would do if I burst through our apartment door--wearing a man's suit and carrying three others--yelling about how great the sale was and showing off my new cuff links.  I can't remember her response but we haven't looked at a suit commercial the same ever since. 

"Manila envelope" text convo with David

I could have attached a boring manila envelope but found this RANDOM gem instead.  You're welcome.

Me: Can u believe andrew was at the 9ers game?? Awesome

David: Oh he didn't tell me wow

Me: Oh.  Don't tell him I told u.  He cllllllearly wanted to keep that news from u...and only u.

David: Ohhh ur in deep shit now tawnia.  Here comes the blackmail!

Me: LMAO.  U wouldn't DARE.

David: It seems you don't really know me.  Expect an overnight manila package tuesday....with VERY explicit instructions.

Me: HAHAHA too good.

David: You think I'm kidding?

Me: Careful.  I'm sure I can put together a manila package for you too...and mine will reach u faster (chicago postal service diss...they really r the worst though...tbh lol)

David: a) you'd prolly be doing me a favor b) you don't know where my gf lives and c) just make sure to tape the top down bc the postal service hates the little metal clasp fyi

Me: HA! I'm not sending anything to monica.  I have a much bigger target in mind.

David: LOLOLOL I can only imagine.